Entry #2: Questioning My Possession of “Guts”

I sometimes wonder if I’ve got any guts to do anything.

I should be able first of all to stand up to those who say that I fight my bully. She’s called a bully for a reason! Alright, they may have my best interest in mind, but she definitely does not look 15 years old. If only you could see her size, then you’d understand what I mean.sue She’s got a rather taller but wider figure, with small facial characteristics, as if someone shrunk them to be closer and matching her sharp nose. But it’s not her stature that makes her intimidating necessarily; it’s the fact that she has people to back her up against
laurieeverything I do. At the end of the day at least, I have Sue, Laurie and my childhood buddy, Ashley to talk to. For various reasons, in this journal, she shall be called, the Bully – not worth corrupting my journal and calling her by her name.

The second one is against my teachers. Due to Bully’s reign, I have no peace in most of my classes that I share with her. And because Lady Luck sucks, Bully gets to sit beside me in one or two of them; because, why not?! So when she is supposed to get in trouble, guess who does instead. Oh yes, yours truly, the one and only, Stupid Me. It even got to the point once when I was asked to stay behind and have ‘a talk’. The only teacher who somehow understand my predicament is Mr. Goldbruh (yep, that’s his actual name). He gets picked on a lot for his name, so he has a different perspective and more of an open mind to my situation. The fact that Bully doesn’t have this class also helps – but let’s be real, there’s no way she’d get art as one of her optional modules.

peterThe third one has to do with anything involving Peter. I don’t know where to start from: he’s tall, with light green eyes, short, shiny hair, funny, smart, everybody likes him but doesn’t associate himself with the popular kids nor the nerdiest of us… he’s basically my prince on a white horse (don’t judge me). I’ve talked to him a few times, but every time Iashley talk to him, my face instantly gets red. I may have a calmer-than-usual response to him, but everybody can tell that I’ve got a major crush on him. But who can blame me?! Well, Ashley and Sue both blame me. Ashley though says that it’s kind of adorable from a guy’s perspective… and then adds that it’s however impossible for me, being the tomboy that I am, I can’t be adorable.

The worst part of that story? I asked my mum if I could look adorable. It was honestly a spur of the moment. I deeply regret asking her. For the past week I’ve been showered with questions such as “do you want to go shopping *enter date here*”, “do you want to look angryaround the internet”, “should we ask your grandma to make something for you” and that something could be any color of the rainbow.

My evil cat is the only one who understands my mood, but then again, he just wants to kill me at the end of the day. So that’s something else I don’t have the guts for.

… Anybody got any advice for boosting your gutsiness? T^T

— Sam


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